I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
