I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
