I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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