eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
