hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize