you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
