i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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