I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
