his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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