I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
