Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
