I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
