I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
