Duck Duck Cougar?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Panties = found
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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