So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
