Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
