guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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