My nipple is on Facebook.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
