Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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