I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
