You're my little dorito
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
