Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
