I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize