Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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