My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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