I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
