I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
