end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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