That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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