i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
