You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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