you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
