This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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