She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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