he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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