you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
