All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am one with the molecules
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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