kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize