when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize