dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
