When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i think my cat just said my name.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
