Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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