just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
