Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
