Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
