I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
