I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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