yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
