I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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