I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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