Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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