He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize