I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
