I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
