One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
