I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
