I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
