i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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