that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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