Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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