I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
