you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize