take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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