I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Randomize
