I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need help removing her.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
