Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
