You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
