We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
